My son called this morning. He’s just starting out — newly married and about to begin graduate school. They are trying to make it on their own, and it’s hard. There are so many unanswered questions about their future. Yet, my son is not afraid.  “God will take care of us,” he tells me. 

I wish I had that kind of faith.

You would think that, after years of being a Christian, I would have reached the point where I could blindly trust God. He’s been so good. He’s done so much. Provided in miraculous ways. But last night I couldn’t sleep. Again. Tossing and turning. Worrying about the future and my own unanswered questions. 

When I Can’t Sleep, I Pray 

Lord, I know you don’t want me to be anxious, but I don’t see a way through. Will you calm my anxious mind? Will you show me new things in your Word to give me peace and confidence? Don’t give up on me yet. I’m slowly learning. And I need you…

The next thing I know, it’s morning and, though a headache pounds, I open my Bible to the passages I’ve been meditating on for days. Mark 8:1-21.

If a racing mind at night is a familiar place for you too, I wrote more about that season here.

One Loaf, No Faith

“Now they had forgotten to bring bread, and they had only one loaf with them in the boat” (Mark 8:14).

I thought about passing by this verse. After all, it’s only a description of their circumstances. But Mark’s words are intentional. Every verse packed with meaning. 

There they are in the boat. Their stomachs growling with only one small loaf among them. 

“What are we going to do? How much will each of us get? Why didn’t we plan better?”

And Jesus replied, “Why are you worried about bread? Don’t you understand? Have you forgotten all that I’ve already done?”

Over and over again, Jesus demonstrated his power, provision, and patience to those who followed his ministry. He performed miracle upon miracle. Providing bread for thousands. Not once, but twice. Healing the sick and the lame. The blind and the deaf. How could the disciples question such a small thing as one loaf of bread when the Bread of Life was in the boat with them? 

Like the disciples, I am slow to learn. Slow to believe. I allow the worries of the world to crowd in and push out my faith. But Jesus reminds them — and me — of the facts.

“When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” They said to him, “Twelve.” And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?” And they said to him, “Seven.” And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?”

— Mark 8:19-21

Have You Forgotten?

 How many times have I gone without food? None. How many times has God let me go without what I truly needed? Not once — even when I couldn’t see how it would come.

Notice that Jesus didn’t simply provide enough. He provided in abundance. The people he fed ate as much as they wanted until they were satisfied, and still the baskets leftover were full. Each number a reminder of God’s continual provision for the people of Israel throughout the Old Testament. The same God who provided in the past is with the disciples in the boat.  

And this same God is present and active in my life today through the dwelling of the Holy Spirit. And it’s not just enough. There’s an abundant life waiting for me if I’ll just believe. More than enough of God’s grace and goodness. More than enough power and provision. More than enough love and compassion. 

So I don’t have to worry about where the money will come from or how the problem will be solved. If God has led me and I have been obedient, I can count on him to provide.

Faith Passed Down

When my son called this morning, I didn’t tell him about the tossing and turning, or the prayer I prayed in the dark. I just listened to him speak with confidence — God will take care of us — and for a second, I let myself believe it the way he does.

I think that’s the way faith gets passed down. Not because I’ve mastered it, but because he’s seen me reach for it over and over again, in front of him. My mind can rest, not because the questions are answered, but because I know who holds the answers. And he’s there for you, too, when you’re struggling in the night.

When is the last time you counted the ways God has come through for you? Pull out a piece of paper. Write down three. Put them near your bed for the nights you can’t sleep and need a reminder.